Well folks it would seem it has been a little while since I blogged but I’m here and ready to type my thoughts away for the world to see. I am currently swept up in a full on emo/indie music kick. I think that just now as I am writing this it might have occurred to me why. As you may very well know my Grandfather has recently pasted away and that has effected my family in a lot of ways. I could go into more unnecessary details of all that I feel is really effecting me right now but in essence it comes down to the all consuming human condition of love. I feel that I maybe be venting a little bit of pent up emotional turmoil right now and have effectively managed to just bottle up and hide a bit of this by living in a world of emotional filled lyrics.

To start, I am deeply in love with my girlfriend Lindsay. Those of you who have the benefit of interaction with me in person; I know that I may not show my love for Lindsay in the most perfect ways. In fact, in my honest opinion, I am a very shitty boyfriend. Truth be told, I love her more then the world and she makes me happy in ways I can’t describe; I only wish I was better at showing it. I am doing my absolute best to change, on my own terms, in a way I feel is for the better, but I fear I may have forgotten entirely how to properly treat a women. I fear I have gotten to comfortable in my two and a half year relationship. I don’t know what it is exactly but I know she deserves better then this and I am damn lucky for having such an understanding girlfriend.

Continuing the topic of love, I think… wait let me say this properly, I know, that my friends play a huge roll in my life. And I’m talking about my true friends, the real ones that don’t need any more explanation. In all, I only have handful of acquaintances I can call my friends. To those friends who read this and know, and for those friends who don’t, just know that you are like family to me. I love and cherish you all and never forget that. In a lot of ways, I feel I am a better friend then boyfriend. While I know in my heart how I feel about Linds, I fear that I may never be able to show her what she once knew.

It is getting rather late and I should be turning in. I will likely wake up tomorrow feeling one hundred percent better about myself and my feelings. Sometimes it just takes a small crack in the floor boards to shed light on a world of problems. Luckily, these are recognized and fixable. At least I hope so…

Adept

This entry was posted on Monday, December 18th, 2006 at 3:13 am and is filed under Rambles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.